Coyote Ugly

Since Nicole's been gone, I've been trying to catch up on all the horror movies I can't usually watch. That's been fun, and I really don't get scared when I watch them. The only scary part of my night is the short walk from the studio back into the house, through the backyard, and that's only because the motion light doesn't always come on.

Well, a week ago, I was making that short walk, and I heard some rustling in my next door neighbor's backyard. So I walked quickly and closed the door to the house behind me. A few minutes later I heard this awful sound that Nicole and I have heard several times before: a cacophony of dogs fighting like their lives depended on it. It sounds like gang warfare, and this happens every couple weeks or so. I did what I usually do: I opened the door and screamed "HEY!"

Instant silence. Followed by the sound of fast rustling, like they all scattered back to their homes.

This is all normal.

I got ready for bed, brushed my teeth, had some crackers (yes, in that order), and on my way to the bedroom, I noticed that the motion light was still on.

This was not normal. Of course, I had just finishing watching The Descent, a delightfully creepy movie (see it if you haven't!), so I was only slightly expecting there to be some sort of goopy creature in my backyard. I walked to the backdoor and moved the curtain. I stared out the window at the well-lit sidewalk. Nothing.

Some more nothing.

Then suddenly, a lurching fuzzy animal stalked past the door. And then another. They were together. And they were disgusting.

Coyotes. In my yard.

I had only seen a coyote once before, crossing my street in the night from a bit of a distance. Nicole saw it too. But never in our yard. I thought I'd closed the gate...

So flash forward to a couple days ago. I was talking to my friend Samantha Murphy about these coyotes. She said that we have a real problem with these things in our neighborhood. Apparently they eat small animals...WHOLE. Like, for instance, cats, small dogs, etc.

Dude.

She said she was walking down our street and saw a poster for a missing Maltese dog, and she thought to herself..."well, I'm sure it's gone now."

This was all news to me.

Flash forward again to today. A few minutes ago. My neighbor Susie stops over. Very sweet woman. She made Noah a blanket and wanted to bring it.

Also, she wanted to warn me. She thinks some coyotes have taken up residence in my next-door neighbor's backyard, possibly under the house. She restated that they eat small dogs...except pugs. Pugs have too-big heads for them to eat. So they sever the head, and take the body.

Dude again.

And yeah, they eat cats... Oh, also -- babies. She says that they will attack a baby in a stroller, with an adult present. They're bold like that. She thinks I should make sure we never leave Noah in the backyard in a swing or something. I agree.

That night a week ago, I did close the gate. She says they can scale six-foot walls.

Apparently, since that big fire at Griffith Park that burned over 800 acres, they're left without food or shelter, so they've moved out into the streets of Hollywood. And they're pissed. They've lost all their manners and gotten extremely bold. Susie says, "when you hear those dogs freaking out, they're not fighting. They're either scared because they hear the coyotes, or one of their friends is being eaten.

I think Noah will be an indoor baby. We're raising a shut-in. Any objections?