They Were Bold Before...

...Now they're just being ridiculous. Samantha and I were driving home after a long day of shooting. I pulled the car into the driveway, to see a coyote lounging in my front yard. Not just sitting there, but mocking us. He was dead center in the yard, very comfortable; settled. He might as well have been holding a martini in one paw, and a sign saying "this is my house now" in the other (do they even have paws?).

As my headlights approached him - his reaction? Boredom, mostly. He was certainly not intimidated by us or our big bright vehicle coming his way.

He slowly pulled himself to his feet and ambled towards the house next door. Samantha tried to take his picture but it was pretty dark and he was too far away for her flash to work. So she basically got picture of pitch black...and one glowing eye.

Absolutely chilling. It looks like she sighted a sasquatch or something.

The Plot Sickens

New developments with what my friend Nancy refers to as my "Possibly Poison Patio."

The bees have vanished, and on my way into my studio today I saw four worms crawling on the patio. When I came out of the studio later, they were all dead. Not only dead, but strangely like "melted" into the patio. And the ground was cold.

I am completely confounded.

Was my patio built over an Indian Burial Ground?

The Riddle of Death

Any scientists or naturists in the house? Can you figure this out?



My only working theory is that perhaps my concrete emanates some sort of toxic gas. This is exactly the kind of comic book science that musicians are known for.

Anyone like to contribute theories? Comments? Snide remarks?

Return of the Creature

Oh boy. The coyotes are back. They're howling that ghastly howl off in the distance, and it's bouncing off all the houses in the canyon, making a creepy echo. What a terrible noise.

Sounds like they just accomplished a juicy kill. Probably somebody's sweet little poodle.

Why do coyotes even exist? Diabolical creatures. And I had only recently managed to forget them.

Non sequiters

More video on the way. I've been having lots of fun going through the pics and videos I took on the tour, and it's nice to know that you guys are enjoying them too.

In completely unrelated news, I was stunned to hear that a big-screen version of the cancelled TV show, "Arrested Development," is currently in the works. I could cry. Story here.

Tonight, I went to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater here in Hollywood with Ben and Samantha. The hilarious Jeff Garlin (Curb Your Enthusiasm) does stand-up there every Sunday for $1! It doesn't get any better than that. Jeff and friends Nicole Parker and Mark Marin workshopped new material and we laughed our little lungs out.

It's so good to be home. I feel so calm and rested and on my way to finally shaking this weird flu/cold/bronchitis thing.

Lest I forget their creepy omnipresence in my neighborhood, a coyote slunk down the sidewalk as I got home tonight. It glared at me. Like a warning. Oh yeah, I forgot. They own this place.

My Late Night Adventure

It's been pretty cool at night lately, so Samantha convinced me to start opening the windows to save money on A/C. The light breeze is nice, but the downside is I can hear cars pass the house when I'm trying to sleep, but I can usually block that out after awhile.

Tonight, I laid down in bed around 1:30am for some nice shut-eye.

That's when I heard it.

A sporadic rustling sound just outside my bedroom window. I listened from bed for a bit. Footsteps. Sounded human. Sounded like shoes. Sounded like someone trying to move quietly. I got out of bed and went to the open window. It was very clearly someone moving. But it would stop for a minute at a time, and then move again. It was coming from further back in the house, so I first made sure all the doors were locked, then went to the back porch. Very clear. But it wasn't in our alley. It was just on the other side of the ivy wall separating my house from the neighbor's. This would have been comforting, but all of their lights were out, and I know they go to bed fairly early. So someone was in their yard, moving slowly and sporadically.

I listened for almost an hour and it didn't stop. It sounded as if they were walking around the perimeter of the house. After the recent vandalism, I wasn't about to take any chances.

I dialed 911. They said they'd send an officer.

Around 2:30am - a wailing sound. Very disturbing. Like a large bird in pain.

Around 3:30 - the officer showed up. He searched the yard next door. One by one, motion lights came on. I thought, "those should have come on before if it was a human." He walked around for a few minutes and then walked up to my porch. He said he'd found nothing and not to worry.

As he was leaving I heard the loudest sound yet. It sounded like someone running.

I said, "Did you hear that? Just now?"

He said, "Yeah that was me next door."

I said, "I mean just now."

He said, "Oh. No. I'm sure it's just some small animals." He walked to the car and drove off.

Am I completely off my nut? Have I totally lost the gizzard? Am I insane?

So I'm sitting here now at 4am, writing this blog entry on my laptop, listening to the same extremely disturbing sounds, feeling slightly more secure but still a little worried. Probably it's not some psychotic knife-wielding lunatic, or even a pack of coyotes. But what is it?

I suppose it's back to bed. But I'm closing my window. I'd rather not know.