Dear Rappers of the World,
Please, I beg of you, stop requesting that I "put my hands in the air like I just don't care." There are only 3 possible outcomes here:
I'm intrigued by the trailers for the upcoming film, The Strangers.
This trailer isn't that good, but it hints at the possibility of something good.
And anyone who knows me, knows I'm a sucker for a good horror film. Horror movies are great way to observe and understand our fears, personally and as a culture, from big things like xenophobia and terrorism down to little things like walking alone at night.
It has always been my theory that you really can't go wrong with a horror movie. If it's amazing, and has layers and says something interesting/innovative, well then, fantastic, you've got a new classic on your hands. If it's terrible, oozing cheesy special effects and bad acting all over the place, then a fun evening is still had by all.
Or this used to be my theory.
While there have been a few absolute horror gems in recent years (The Descent immediately springs to mind - see it right away if you haven't), with the advent of affordable CGI for all and a general surge in the popularity of horror movies - leading to bigger budgets, the bad movies have gotten better. And I feel that this is not a good thing. Now our bad horror movies exist in that middle ground, where they are too schlocky to be good, but not schlocky enough to be complete camp. As a viewer, these movies just bore me to tears: the last thing a horror movie should ever do. Gore is not, in and of itself, interesting or amusing. We need something more.
I submit examples like last year's The Mist (which I just saw last night) as well as the countless "Dead Teenager" movies like Final Destination, Turistas, Urban Legend, etc etc ad nauseum. These are basically all the same film. Just plug in some variables (change the setting, tweak the monster, etc), rinse and repeat. At least The Mist tried to add some political intrigue to make things interesting, though it failed miserably.
And don't even get me started on the new subgenre of "torture porn" that's become increasingly popular, with films like Hostel, Saw and Captivity building tension only through the slow dismemberment of its attractive casts, with nothing resembling plot, characters or even ideas anywhere in sight.
It's not that I'm confused as to why these movies are made. Most of the bad movies I mentioned have become successful franchises at this point, with the Saw series already on part four. They do well, because audiences just like to be scared in a dark room and see people get chopped up. America's bloodlust cannot be sated. I just think people don't know what they're missing. I mean, what about suspense?
I'm not opposed to gore. Just say something interesting. The French film, High Tension, was extremely, extreeeemly gory, but it was the intense, twisted story that left me with something to really think about afterwards.
At this point, the market has become so oversaturated with mediocrity that when a scary movie looks like it could be good, like it might actually be doing something unusual, I really get my hopes up. It's rare for any of these movies to live up to their trailers, but when they do, I completely lose it. When I saw The Host (an incredible monster movie/political satire from a few years back), I raved to anyone and everyone who would listen for weeks on end. I literally forced my friends to watch The Descent, practically holding them hostage in my theater. And when I see a movie like 2007's The Orphanage, that is scary and atmospheric but also has a huge amount of depth and heart, I get a high that lasts for quite a while. Interestingly, The Host is South Korean, The Descent is British and The Orphanage is Spanish. It would seem that everybody knows how to make a good scary movie but us Americans.
So. The Strangers. Comes out tomorrow. Could go either way. Looks like it could say some really interesting things about our society, and how we feel so unrealistically safe in our little lockbox houses. Or it could just be Funny Games with masks. And those masks look like they'll be scary for all of two minutes. It also looks like it might be a straight remake of the French film, Them (2006). So that's already one strike against it. And Liv Tyler makes two.
Please be scary. Please be interesting. I beg of you. Win one for the Americans!
In addition to Sleuth, Michael Haneke is remaking his own film, "Funny Games." The original is a tense classic that makes a very powerful statement. It still holds up extremely well, as it only came out only ten years ago. Now, granted his filmmaking has changed quite a bit in those ten years and I'm sure this version will be different, perhaps better. Also, the last one didn't feature any names, and this one features Naomi Watts, Michael Pitt and Tim Roth.
But I can't imagine, in ten years, completely retreading the entirety of my "High Cost of Living" album. I've already made that statement. It's out there for anyone who wants to hear it. Isn't it time for me to make a new statement?
Why would Michael Haneke, an incredible filmmaker, duplicate his own film? I mean, they're even using a blueprint of the original set to make sure the new one has identical dimensions! The producers have stated they're remaking it shot for shot. (That worked so well when Gus Van Sant did it with Psycho -- booooo). Haneke says, "Localization is required to fully understand the Funny Games experience." Heaven forbid we be exposed to another culture, or get to know some new actors. Why do this? Oh right, money.
I get it, it's the American remake. That wonderful new tradition. Are people really so stupid that they can't watch a ten year old movie from Germany? Read a few subtitles? Oh really, they are? Could they watch an English dub, then? Do we really have to reshoot the entire thing just for these idiots? Oh really, we do? Fantastic.
Why don't we remake Paris Je T'aime already then? And it can take place in Chicago. And the segments will be directed by Brett Ratner and Michael Bay. And no one with an IQ over 15 can get into the theater.
Let's just have a moment of silence for all the terrible American remakes of great foreign films, with watered-down themes and missing subtext:
Open Your Eyes - Vanilla Sky
Spoorloos - The Vanishing
Les Diaboliques - Diabolique
Ringu - The Ring
Shall We Dance
Mostly Martha - No Reservations
Godzilla
Honoguarai Mizu No Soko Kara - Dark Water
Insomnia
Ju-On - The Grudge
And there are so many more. Let us mourn.
They're remaking "Sleuth." Michael Caine is starring in it again, but this time with Jude Law. And this time Michael is playing the older role previously played by Lawrence Olivier. (A strange aside: this is the second Michael Caine film to be remade, the first being "Alfie," with Jude Law in the original Michael Caine role). Harold Pinter's adapting the screenplay and Kenneth Branaugh's directing.
Sounds like a great lineup. But the question remains: why do this? The original was wonderful. And wasn't there already a remake? And wasn't it called "Deathtrap?" And didn't it kinda suck?
These are all people capable of great things, so why not get together and make a great original thing?
All that said, I'll probably go see it. So I guess that answers that.
Really?!?! "Transformers" is playing at the Los Angeles Film Festival?!?!
Really?!?! I can see it three weeks early?!?!
Really?!?! It only costs $500?!?!
Sign me up.
I might see it if they paid me $500.
Posts
All Comments
