Saturday, May 19, 2007

A Flaw In Zombie Logic

I love zombies. I just think they're hilarious. I'm a sucker for a good (or bad, for that matter) zombie movie. On Halloween three years ago, I forced Nicole to do a zombie double-feature: 28 Days Later and the newer Dawn of the Dead (with Sarah Polley).

This was a bad idea.

She's never been a fan of scary movies, but I thought it would be fun to try again. I had a good time. She kind of had a good time-ish. But since then, three years ago, she wakes up in the night seeing scary zombie images. She envisions parts of those movies that I don't even remember.

So lately, in the night, when she wakes up to feed Noah, she starts thinking about zombies. She pointed out something very interesting to me last night, that I had never thought of.

Say I'm a zombie. That means I'm infected. I want to eat people/brains. Say I find somebody who's not infected...perhaps you. So I bite you. Now wouldn't I just keep eating you till you're gone? (My friends would help! I don't have a huge appetite). So then, wouldn't this prevent you from becoming a zombie, thus preventing any new zombies from ever coming to "life?" Wouldn't there just be tons and tons of mostly eaten almost-zombie carcasses?

But in any zombie movie you see, I would just bite you once or twice, enough for you to be infected, and then scurry (or slog) on my way. Why? I was hungry for brains! Would you show up starving to the salad bar at Sizzler and grab one bite of bacon -- just to make your point? (Well maybe, but the bacon at Sizzler is terrible.)

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