Who's This Andre Gill, Anyway?

Ah yes. Back to my EuroStory. From October. I'm that far behind.

When we stepped off the train in Paris, I immediately fell in love. I was sort of geared up for disappointment. After all, how many things in life can possibly live up to my high expectations?

Well, Paris was exactly what I thought it would be: a gorgeous city full of passionate artists, intimate bistros and cheese. Lots of cheese.

Upon arrival, I checked into my impossibly tiny hostel, the Hotel Andre Gill. Yeah, they called it a Hotel, but it was a hostel. In fact, it was basically what you'd get if somebody made a French cartoon about a hostel, complete with a big spirally staircase, Japanese tourists, and the management baking croissants in the kitchen. It was sort of like living in The Triplets of Belleville, only with much less awesomeness and much more body odor.

Okay, not exactly the Ritz, but Disney was not paying for this room. I was. And I am not a person of wealth.

Proudly Displaying Our Two-Star Rating

After checking in, I crammed myself and my bags into the smallest elevator in Europe.

I attempted to turn around while in the elevator, but my backpack and the tiny lift prevented any of that nonsense. This was the kind of elevator one could only "back out" of.

Oh also, my room was on the 6th floor, and the elevator only went to the 5th. Why?

One should not ask questions at the Hotel Andre Gill. If one does, that question may lead to other questions. Like perhaps:

• Why is my bed made for a little person?
• Why is there only a closet and a sink in my room, and no toilet?
• Why is the toilet on the 6th floor out-of-order, forcing me to walk down the stairs, in the dark, in the middle of the night, in my boxer shorts?
• Which leads to, why is there no light in the hallway?
• Why, when I finally do reach the 5th floor toilet, is the light broken, forcing me to try and aim properly in the dark?
• Why, when I want to (heaven forbid) actually shower, do I have to walk to the 5th floor, take the elevator to the 1st floor, and then wait in line for the only shower in the entire building?

So... One should not ask questions at the Hotel Andre Gill.

Apparently, Andre Gill was a famous caricaturist. Just take a moment to let that sink in.

But none of that mattered anyway, because I was in Paris (!), and I certainly planned on spending as little time as possible in my Hotel/hostel.

So out I went. First, to the Eiffel Tower:


Then, to gorge on EuroSweets:

I had quite an adventurous day out, riding the trains, meeting Parisians, speaking pigeon-French.
___________

The following day, I met up with Jamie, Jaco and Candice for a little museum hopping. First, the Rodan museum, for a little sculpture 101.

Staring Contest

The Thinker(s)

Consoling the Inconsolable

Okay, that last one wasn't in the Rodan museum. Because in Paris, there's just random sculpture on the streets. It's like a big art explosion. Otherwise known as "Mike Schmid's New Favorite Place."

At the end of that day, Jamie and I took a little tour of Monmarte: him because he's all cultured n' stuff, and me because I like Amelie.

Sacre Coeur Basillica was a sight to behold: partially because it is a marvel of architechture, and partially because the French insisted on partying hard in front of said marvel, creating a depressing and ironic sight:


Oh, Paris. Even your flaws are strangely artful.

The next day, we checked out Notre Dame, The Musee D'Orsay, The Latin Quarter and...just everything awesome. Lots of walking, lots of bread & dairy, and great...great escargot.

The final day, we went to Versailles. (Next entry).

Hot Girls On Bikes

Amsterdam. Beautiful, beautiful Amsterdam.

After BBC Switch, Jaco, Candice, Jamie and I flew from London to Holland for a little time off.

We stayed on this houseboat.

Which was very exciting,

and showcased a gorgeous view at night.

The streets were full of people on bicycles, flying every which way. It seemed incredibly dangerous to me; I always felt on the verge of being mowed down by some two-wheeled maniac.

One of Jamie's good friends wrote a song about the city, called "Hot Girls on Bikes," due to the scorching hotness of said girls on said bikes. They all looked like models...whizzing past us at high speeds. Jamie was totally into it, because he just likes to look, and not actually talk to girls he finds attractive. I didn't love it as much. By the time I even noticed them, they were already gone. Somehow though, it seemed a fitting metaphor for my lovelife.

Amsterdam is all about Overwindowing

We spent 3 days walking, relaxing, eating, walking, going to museums, eating, walking, and massaging our aching feet. The Van Gogh museum was quite moving.

Our final day in town was punctuated by an extremely random and violent hailstorm, which was kinda fun.

Hail on the houseboat next door.

Then we were off to Berlin.

Stripped

Miley was invited to perform on ClearChannel's Stripped, an unplugged show for radio and the internet. I'm not sure yet when it's going to air, but you can check iheartmusic.com repeatedly and obsessively till they put it up.

The show was taped in the historic Capitol Records building. While we were there that day, Aretha and Rod Stewart projects were happening in other parts of the building, and pictures of Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole lined the halls. This place is kind of a big deal.

It was an intimate show for a small audience of contest winners who flew in from all parts of the US. They were mostly young children, who were ridiculously adorable. They sat in reverent adoration of Miley, as she sang her heart out and chatted casually with the band.

I invited my parents, since they haven't been to a show in awhile.

Me and my Dad in the control room

My friends, Janie and Gary were also in town, so I invited them as well. You can read Janie's account of the taping on her blog.

Nadia and Drunken Zoolander

We had a lot of fun, and put on a good show. if I do say so myself (dusts off collar). It was a nice change to play these big pop/rock songs in a stripped-down acoustic context. It's a testament to how good the songs are, that they held up so well. Also, that grand piano I was playing had some seriously awesome ghosts in it. You could just feel the history on the ivory.

Shiny Happy People

Afterwards, Jamie (who was the Musical Director for the day, as Stacy was in NY) and I hung out in the studio and lent our ears for the mix session, which went late into the night. I was just happy they asked.

The Today Show

I realize I'm a bit behind on the blogging. Life just barrels onward, and I can't seem to catch my breath. Having a great time though.

So, a couple weeks ago we played The Today Show (which along with The Tonight Show, completes the set for us, I suppose). The concert took place smack dab in the middle of Rockefeller Square, with approximately 12,000 people shoehorned in there, which was sort of like dropping the entire Pacific ocean into a drinking glass.

I got to play with the brand new, delicious keyboards that Roland supplied me with, in exchange for my Miley-related face. They're much easier to play than my old keyboards, with the added benefit of making Schmid Island look like a totally pro vacation destination.

Mike - stunned by the keyboard greatness.
Nate - bored behind his drumset.

This was another whirlwind trip for us. We got in late at night, and the morning of the show, we had to soundcheck at 5am. Miley only got a few hours of sleep, but of course she was still brilliant. And of course, so were we. That's what we get paid for. The complaining is a free bonus (I like to call it "added value").

In the dressing room, they had a big spread of donuts, fruit and sandwiches. So of course, I had three donuts. When the show began, I had a stomach ache (what am I, five? "Mikey can't resist the candy", eh?).

Jaco is constantly asking me to take his picture

But this time he returned the favor.
I'm apparently ready to fake pounce, or something.

Nate and I became fast friends. If you happen to have the show Tivo'd, you can see at the beginning of Miley's dressing room interview, Nate and I are sitting on the couch behind her, having some fun with his iPhone. He had installed the Magic 8-Ball application and we were asking it some questions (at the most inappropriate possible time). First, "will we be a complete trainwreck on stage?" It's answer: "Of course!" Second, Nate asked, "will I be responsible for this?" The ball replied, "Absolutely not." So Nate was off scot-free, but who was going to ruin the show?

We went back out to the stage and played our faces off. It was a pretty typical show: Kay and Nadia shook their little booties, I held down the Island, Nate banged on some stuff, Jamie and Jaco got way too much camera time, Vashon intimidated little girls, Stacy looked on with a broken arm and a tear in his eye, and Miley belted like the charismatic little rockstar she is.

Turns out the only thing that went wrong is that the host didn't know we were playing another song, and tried to throw to commercial. But really, 8-Ball -- "train wreck?" That may be pushing it.

Before the flight home, Nate bought me a book of Sudoku, as we were talking about how I didn't understand the mass cultural fascination with it. Of course, I also thought it was about math, and we all know how I run screaming in the other direction when confronted with simple addition. Nate explained that there is no math involved, and that even a total knob-monkey like myself could understand it. I was addicted within five minutes, and spent a good part of my return flight filling in puzzles. The rest of the time was spent watching Curb Your Enthusiasm on my iPod, attempting to sleep with my head rolling from side to side, and holding those Terra Blue chips up to the light to admire the special pearlescent chemical compound that I probably shouldn't be eating.

Stadium of Fire

Ah, Utah: state that I never planned to visit. First we filmed our big 3D movie in Salt Lake City, and now we were performing at the Stadium of Fire 4th of July Spectacular in Provo. What a unique place. The state slogan is "Home of Mormons and Meth Labs."

Upon arrival we were greeted by the strangest street fair I've ever seen. For sale: BBQ chicken, Miley Cyrus paintings, marshmallow cannons, Mormon prophet dolls (he recites scripture when you push him!), all manner of pyrotechnics, swords and katanas, and a variety of BB guns. Jaco was eyeing the BB shotgun with laser sight - only $5!

Provo is home to a large amount of ethnic restaurants. Stacy was sure that most of them were terrible. Wandering for nearly an hour, looking in windows for any sign of authenticity, the whole band eventually decided to eschew the Mexican, Italian, and blah blah blah places, and went for the yummy smelling Indian place. It was a surprisingly tasty meal. We all left stuffed.

Afterwards, I walked around town with Nadia, the new background singer. Candice has left us, and Nadia came in to take her place. I had a nice long talk with her about life, love, god, etc. A good night.

The next day, we arrived at the stadium... OF FIRE! --(Sidenote: every time I heard the words "Stadium of Fire," I also heard a big 80's drum fill and some squealing guitars accompanying an "Eye of the Tiger"-like vocalist. STADIUM OF FIIIIIIIRE! It's EXXXXTREEEEEEME! MONSTERRRR TRUUUUUUCKS!)-- I digress.

We came. We soundchecked. We conquered.

We also tested out some giant columns -- OF FIRE.

Jamie refreshed Miley's memory on the chord progression for "I Miss You."

Some of you have also noticed that Stacy wasn't there. Well, he actually was there, just not on stage. He broke his arm playing softball, and has to sit out for six weeks. But he's still the Musical Director, and still bosses us all around. His replacement is an awesome guy named Nate, who previously played on that Rockstar TV show.

The big (drum fill) STADIUM OF FIIIIIIRE!!!!! show equaled the weirdness of the previous day's street fair. It was hosted by right-wingnut, Glen Beck, and included a performance by Blue Man Group.

Much fanfair.

Much FIIIIIIIRE!

Some flags

And fighter jet flyovers

Close call

The best part though -- during the show, the words "Stadium of Fire" came up on a screen all fiery (of course!), and then my dream came true. Out from the speakers came a huge 80's drum fill, and nearly note for note, the beautiful symphony of cheese, exactly as I heard it in my head (minus the "MONSTERRRRRR TRUUUUUUCKS!" part). I laughed for nearly a half-hour after that.

Speaking of fire, check out the hotness (L to R: Kay, Nadia)

At one point, 1300 dancers filled the field and acted out all the sports of the summer Olympics in 7 minutes.

Why? Umm, dunno. Just seemed like a good idea at the time.

Oh yeah, and we played some music too.

Then we had pizza and went home.

Z100 Zootopia

New York City welcomed us with a bleak, cold rainstorm. A rainstorm with which we became very familiar as we waited soggily for our shuttle to come pick us up from the JFK airport. It didn't show. After over an hour, Stacy made a phone call to the shuttle service. The service replied, "He's been waiting for over an hour. He couldn't get in to the gate, so he's around the back."

No one called to tell us this?

The only thing worse than waiting in a chilling rainstorm for a shuttle is waiting in a chilling rainstorm for a shuttle that's parked around the corner.

We made our way to the bus marked "Krystal." Their slogan was "a 'gem' of a ride!"

Kill me now.

After boarding and finally leaving the airport, the driver swerved and tailgated his way into the city. Nearly a half-hour later, we pulled over near a basketball court in what was clearly the ghetto. This was not our hotel. The driver exited the bus. He slowly walked around the side and looked closely at the front tire. Then the back tire. Then he went around the other side and did the same.

And then, without a word, he got back on the bus and resumed driving.

Okay then.

He had a strong preference for the right lane on the freeway, adding at least 15 additional minutes to our ride. When we finally reached the hotel, he parked at the entrance that was clearly marked "closed after 7pm." It was nearly 9pm.

He started pulling all our bags out of the back of the bus, when he finally heard us all screaming, "We need to move!" and "Put the bags back!" and "Why are you so dumb!?"

So he drove the van around the block to the front entrance.

Not quite a "gem" after all.

My room at the Affinia Hotel was spacious, with a full kitchen and a high ceiling, but tempered by the customary miniscule New York bathroom: you can only take a shower if you suck in your gut.

The pillows were comfy, but in case they weren't, the Affinia had a pillow menu to put that other place to shame (click photo to enlarge):
What to do when you're in New York City? Well, same thing I always do: see my buddy Ben. The two of us slogged through the wet city to some country steak joint that oddly smelled like warm brownies, which is never a bad thing. I say "oddly," because brownies were not on the menu.

I had the burger.

Just like last time, it was garbage night in the city.

I'm convinced this is an everyday sight. Trash sprawled up almost every street. And trust me, there's nothing like the smell of wet garbage in the evening air to rid your brain of brownie thoughts.

The following day, we were slated to play Z100's Zootopia. Z100 is supposedly the most widely listened-to station in the world. I'm not sure how anyone can prove this.

The festival was being held at what was previously the Meadowlands Arena in Jersey, now annoyingly renamed the Izod Center. During the tour, I grew weary of arenas with names like the Dunkin Donuts Center, the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater and the FedEx Forum. Are there any venues that haven't been bought by The Man?

We had our soundcheck early in the morning and everything went very well. I can't say the same for Jessie McCartney, who spent his entire half-hour listening to Pro-Tools tracks while his playback guy tried to fix some completely inaudible problem. The band looked impatient, and Jessie looked like he was about ready to blow.

At noon, they commuted us back to the hotel for an entire day of freedom in the city. I went to the park.

The Krystal bus picked us up again at 8:30pm and drove us back out to Jersey for the big show. Also performing, the Jonas Brothers, OneRepublic, Danity Kane and Simple Plan. We got back just in time for me to check out Sara Bareilles. I really like "Love Song." Good thing too, cause they only let her play that one tune, even though everybody else was playing half-hour sets.

After her, all the girls swooned for New Kids On The Block. Yes. That's not a typo. New Kids. And how they did swoon. Some of our female dancers (and I won't name names to spare their dignity) knew all the lyrics and were very excited to see their childhood idols all growed up (read: old and depressing) and still dancing the same dance steps. It was like Bring Your Dad To Work Night at the Apollo. But I'm happy for them, I guess. They just grabbed themselves another 15 minutes.

We took the stage around 10:30 and Miley proceeded to melt some faces. Everything went well until the song, "Right Here," when my ears went out. I looked around and noticed that I wasn't the only one. Jamie was mouthing to Stacy, "No ears!" Jaco looked at me and mouthed, "Did you lose your ears?" We kept playing despite the fact that none of us could hear much of anything, as our ears block outside sound, so when they turn off, you can't hear very well. A while later in the song, the ears came back on, and of course we were off the click, so they had to stop the click track. Again, we kept playing.

Looking at the faces in the audience, nobody noticed the numerous heart attacks that just occured on stage. Those crazy kids just wanna have a good time. And a good time they had.

One show down, one to go. Tomorrow, the big NetJets show.

Celebrities, Slime and Spiked Butt Belts

The day of the Kids' Choice Awards, we arrived to the UCLA campus and were quickly herded into a tent/makeshift green room. Other than a litte table with meats and cheeses, the room was barren. This is where we'd be spending the next several hours.

But first, rehearsal. They were running the entire show that morning, from beginning to end. When they reached our point in the show, a runner guided us to the stage, and we did our thing. The kid extras seemed a little more excited today.

Then back to the tent, with about five hours till showtime. We were told we were allowed to leave, but only by foot, as the traffic getting back would be terrible. So I hoofed it around Westwood a bit. I hadn't really been in the area for a year or two, so I saw that my favorite CD store had closed and that several frozen yogurt places had opened (how much froyo do college students need?). And when I got bored (within twenty minutes), I headed back to the hometent. Things were much more exciting there:


When the show finally started around 5pm, the band decided to check out the white room. This room was created up in the stands behind the stage, with white furniture, white carpet, and sheer white sheets softly barricading all the celebrities in with their perfectly manicured hors d'oeuvres. We stuck out like a hand full of sore thumbs amongst Will Smith, Nelly, and a bunch of other slick rappers I didn't know of. Jaco and Jamie immediately grabbed a couple of the Neutrogena gift bags, full of manly moisturizing creams. They were far too excited about those. We enjoyed about a half hour of the show until Stacy, pro that he is, decided we should be in the tent at least 30 minutes before it was necessary. So we went back to our homevoid. Sat around for awhile. Made some calls.

Then the blur. Around 6pm, we were walked quickly through the back door and down a narrow hallway to the stage. We hit the stage, Miley barely made it into place in time for the song, and was a little out of breath. Everybody did their thing. We played like our hands were deadly precision instruments, the dancers flipped and flew like there were helium bombs in their shoes, and Miley's star presence inspired the kid extras to legitimately freak out.

And the set did look really good on TV.

Long Island vs New Jersey

We just came off stage from night three of our four-night engagement in the NYC area. Long Island's audiences blew Newark's out of the water, enthusiasm-wise. But hopefully everybody was having fun tonight. Jamie said New Yorkers have pretty much seen it all, so I guess we shouldn't feel too discouraged.

The kids were still smiling, albeit in relative silence. And when I say relative silence, I mean screaming really loud. Just not as loud as usual.

Boy are we spoiled.